by
Stuart McCommas
ome people say to me, "How do we know the world is round?"
I have thought, pondered and wondered about this question for ages. Now, finally, I have come upon one immutable, inarguable fact. The world is a giant pancake.Through extensive studies in the chemical make-up of the soil found 1 mile below the earth's surface, countless water samples taken in our oceans, and years of scientific observation, we can now understand more fully the nature of our earth. Not only will these facts startle you, they might even cause you to pull out the good ole' spatuala and whip up a batch of grandma's butter milk pan-cakes.
Amazingly, these facts have shown the worlds crust to be made up of a thick batter, mainly consisting of eggs, milk, butter, flour, water, and pancake mix. Not only this, but to the utter amazement of our panel of scientists, the worlds oceans are actually large containers of syrup.
"Wow," you might be thinking as you get out your cooking utensils, "I never knew that." Nether did I, I just publish what the people upstairs tell me to. So, now that we know the earth is a giant pancake, who will be the first man to harvest this large source of food? Will it be you? Aspiring explorers take note, this could be a time for great profit. Until next time when we report on the rumor that munchkins live in your nose, I'm Stuart McCommas, good night.
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