by
Theophano
reetings! I won't trouble you by telling you what I am, as you can guess that already. I will simply begin by telling you my life's story. I am French, Originally and my hometown is Le Baux, in Southern France. I lived there for about 100 million years, and had many family members. We were all quite attached to the area. In 1852 I was Bauxite, a kind of clay. And Clay I stayed until one morning. I will always remember that morning. I had just woken up when a pair of hands reached down and wrenched me out of the ground and began to perform a series of lengthy and painful experiments from which I finally emerged with the title of FIRST PIECE OF PURE REFINED ALUMINUM EVER! And, as I was one of the first pieces, I was worth more than gold! I am now the oldest piece of refined aluminum on the planet. Thank You. Unfortunately, I never heard of my family again, except the time that I met an arrow who had known my wife and son while they were baseball bats, and one other instance which I will tell you about later.
As for me, I was sent to some shop where I was promptly pounded into a Teapot and several cups and presented to Napoleon III for his daily tea. Ahhh yesss........ Those were the best days of my life. But alas, all good things must come to an end. That is why, after 10-12 yrs. in court, I was whisked away by a sly guest with quick hands and sold to a wealthy man vacationing in the countryside (although he was wealthy I don't know where he got THAT much money)
But by the early 1900's my value had plummeted - drastically. So I became a coffeepot. A coffeepot, that is, until WW II, when I was recycled and became a medal of honor. I don't know why, but when my owner died, his son didn't want me. So I was recycled again, this time becoming a stick of deodorant. A smelly job, for sure, but it only lasted 2-3 days, as my owner wasn't pleased with me (Thank God!). Anyway, I was recycled again. It was then that I started getting into the can business. First a Greek Pepsi, then a Russian Coke can, next an Australian beer can, a Louisiana Root beer, and finally a Mexican apple soda. Afterwards I became part of a space shuttle. After a few years of that, however, I got punctured and was replaced by a piece that I recognized as my wife! I was overjoyed, but we only saw each other long enough to say what we had been doing since we last met, for as soon as we had finished and said Good-bye, I was brought to the recycling factory.
There I became the right wing of a plane, and transformed into a car door which was used to repair a crashed car. When the car got so old and run down it couldn't even be sold, it was dumped in the dump.
After a couple months there, I was recycled again - this time to become a bar stool. After 20 years of THAT, I finally became what I am now - a rake. But I wasn't rusty back then. Oh, no. I was as shiny as the teapot I had once been. But that was 5 years ago. During those 5 years, I've been left in the rain, sleet, and snow, and have narrowly escaped being struck by lightning - more than once. Yes, and here I am, a shadow of my former self, worn and rusted by time, and begging you to come to this evil driveway, take me out of its clutches, and drop me into the first recycling bin you see. Thank you so much.
Rusty Rake
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