by
Katie
a! Pa! Guess what!"Chelsy exclaimed.
"Oh no, dear Chelsy-Jane, did the chickens start destroying the hen house again!?" Pa asked.
"You know I invented hen houses," Grandpa said, "Them city folk stole my idear in nineteen dickety split. That was before 1922 wuz invented."
"Hush, Grandpaw!" they all yelled at Grandpa. He closed his mouth.
" Well, before I wuz so rudely interrupted," Chelsy said, "I said that my wonderful new song is sweepin' the town near Dixie by storm! A guy said he'd be a'comin' to talk about me an' him goin' all around the world with my new album."Chelsy said.
"My liddle baby all grown up now, sellin' her music all around the world," Ma said, wiping a tear from her eye.
"I didn't know you sang," Pa said, because he was always the last one to know about things. "What's the album called?"
'It's called Seasons of Monkey-Meat."Suddenly, an alarming noise came to Pa's ears. "Let me go and a'check things out."
He and the oldest son, Hunter, walked toward the door. Hunter slammed the door, and it fell off."That's the third time it broke today," muttered Ma.
Meanwhile, outside,the rustle in the bushes was getting louder now. "Keep you' hand on the trigger, son," murmured Pa.
"Yeah, Pa, but my hands is gettin' all sweaty-like," Hunter, their son said. He glanced at the gun. Suddenly, the distant rumble became a deafening roar. Their eyes widened at the sight of a lumbering beast bolting out of the forest, destroying everything in its path.Yet, Pa was quick and yelled over the droning, "Shoot at its legs afore it ruins the farm!"
The boy pulled the trigger. The bullet flew out as fast as a bullet flies. The noise stopped. Dead silence. As the dust settled, a man appeared.
"What are you freaks doing?!" he yelled.
No one listened to him. Hunter and Pa were square dancing. "Yee-haw! We won against the evil monster!" they yelled.
"Wait! That's no monster! That was my truck, you dolts!"
"Dag-gum to Betsy, I'm sorry. Why don't you come in the homestead," Pa said, motioning to the stranger.
"Yes, I would enjoy that. I'm looking for Chelsy-Jane Pumkinskwasher."
"Came to the right place, friend," Hunter said.He entered the small shack. Immediately, a girl leapt out and yelled, "Ma! Ma! It's the smart city slicker who's come take make me a deal!" She motioned to a group of about fifteen children. "Them's my brothers n' sisters!" She bounced her long, blond messy pigtails as she galloped over to a pitiful excuse for a table. "Sit, sit."
"No thanks. Let's make this short. Come with me, we'll get some clothes for you and go to the talent show. If you win, our record company will buy your demo."
"Okey-dokey. Come on Ma, Pa!"
"Don't make them come, please!" the city slicker begged. Chelsy growled and leapt at him baring her yellow fangs. "Okay, just your mom, dad and grandfather." She roared.
"Okay, and Hunter." She smiled.The city slicker, Thomas Johnson, did not know how he survived the trip back to L.A. The Pumpkinskwashers made constant shrieks because they were surprised at the city. Hunter loved the leather interior. He loved it so much he took out his knife and cut a large hole in the back seat.
"What are you doing! That interior cost me a couple hundred dollars!" scolded Tom."But it's so purty," sighed Hunter as he lifted the leather rag to his face and stroked it many times. Due to the embarrassment of Mr. Johnson, the windshield wipers incident will be skipped.
Ma and Chelsy went to a store to buy clothes. Ma got out of the car, saw a store and gasped. "That's the store?!"
"No, Ma, Tom said that's the store," Chelsy said and pointed to an even bigger store.Ma fainted. Chelsy sighed and dragged her into the store. Tom, Hunter, Pa and Grandpa followed them closely. She dropped Ma and ran into the clothes department.
"It's like a dream" she hollered as she grabbed a couple dresses. She bought a blue shimmery strapless gown. Over the gown she had a silver boa. She put her hair in a bun with blue shimmery chopsticks protruding out of it. ìHow do I look?î she asked.
"Great. Now let's go to the try-outs," Tom said, barely glancing at her. He beckoned to Pa, Grandpa, and Hunter to quit staring at the escalator and go to the car. Ma was beside herself at all the clothes and jewelry, so they just dragged her out.They got to a large studio. It was Studio 45. "Wow! It's way bigger than I expected!" Hunter bellowed.
"I'll go get ready," Chelsy said.Pa followed her with his fiddle. Ma and Mr.Johnson got seats. Grandpa followed Ma, then slipped into a hallway. He hid in a closet while a blond girl with blue eyes went past, carrying a strange black box. She went inside a room. Grandpa followed. She glanced inside a mirror , flattened some creases in her pink skirt, and cackled, "Lip synching is definitely the way to go!" she laughed some more, checked her foundation and left.
"Hmm, that sounds like cheating," he muttered. He walked to the large theater and told Tom.
"I have the perfect way of changing her attitude," Tom sneered. He and Grandpa left the room.
"I wonder where they are going," thought Ma.The lights dimmed. A man walked on stage. "Chelsy Pumkinskwasher," he said.
Chelsy hopped onto the stage. Ma clapped like crazy. The blond girl's mother glared at her.
Chelsy smiled nervously. She looked back at Pa who was in fiddle position. "One, two, seven."
The fiddle started to play. She closed her eyes, swallowed, and started to sing."Ohhhhhhhh, It's mold
It's just like gold
Just let it unfold
Cause Its Gooooooood,
Yeah!"The lights dimmed as Chelsy left the stage. The man came on stage again. "And last but not least, Nanette James." The blond girl's mother clapped like crazy. Ma glared at her.
The blond girl, Nanette, slinked on the stage. She winked to her father as he turned on the music. She closed her eyes, swallowed and the music began to play. First it was a piano then it stopped and an accordion started playing then..."Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
Yodel
Yadel
Yodel
Yadel
Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!"
She nervously smiled and crept off the stage. Grandpa grinned at Tom. Tom held up the cassette she was supposed to sing. A man came onto the stage. He pushed up his glasses and read aloud: "Nanette has been automatically eliminated from the show. The winner is Chelsy-Jane Pumpkinskwasher!"
Chelsy bolted to the stage. She knocked the man over. "Yeah!" She looked down at the unconscious man. "Oopsies!" She ran across the stage, grabbed the award, and sped to the car. Ma, Pa, Tom, Hunter and Grandpa were waiting in the truck. "No time to lose, Tom, I have an album to make!"
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